Search This Blog

Saturday, December 4, 2010

To Divorce Or Not

The issue of divorce, when to divorce, how to divorce, what happens thereafter, et cetera, requires much deeper penetration than this space would permit; as such the answer here shall be given in broad outlines.

The first question people should try to answer, both those in marriages and those who may have divorced or separated, is ‘why am I in this marriage?’ Or, ‘why did I marry Mr A, or Mrs A?’ If the correct answer you receive is that you married out of genuine love, not caring what may come along your path in the course of the marriage, then the issue of divorce would never arise at all. In such a situation both parties would confront their fair share of personal and earthly challenges with united strength, matching up in conquest, shoulder to shoulder, the same way they did while approaching to sign the dotted lines, as we say.

But if the answer to the question is that you married because he or she is handsome, rich, well connected, et cetera, then your marriage may be short-lived, for all those qualities are transient and could simply fade away over night, leaving your marriage, if one could call it marriage, hollow and in tatters. In such a situation each partner eventually becomes a source of irritation to the other.

The interesting thing about marriage however is that it is always those who are in it that could answer the questions raised in the foregoing statements. Taking the decision to divorce or not divorce therefore should be deeply and responsibly approached.

Where the ultimate decision is to separate (which means to live apart but still answer a common name) or to divorce (which means go each others’ way), care should be taken that this is achieved in the most friendly and responsible manner. It is spiritually healthy for persons who no longer can tolerate each other, and who now live in enmity and rancour, thereby polluting their spiritual and general ethereal environment, to go their own way. That way the possibility is created for each party to regain his or her sense of personal worth and respect.

In this case, very much care should be taken to ensure that the children (if any) of the marriage are well protected, and their continued development and up-bringing well catered for by whoever was the bread-winner (usually the man) before the divorce or separation. It should never be assumed that once the process of divorce is concluded, then all matters are settled. Every situation should be addressed in its peculiar circumstance. It may happen, for instance, that although divorced, but the circumstance of the ex-partner still demands that you should continue to assist and give certain help; this should be done with joy and diligence.

Also, where certain earthly assets exist, arising from the joint effort of the partners, care too should be taken to ensure that no one is cheated of his or her entitlements. The tendency to simply wake up one day, open the doors and throw one person’s things out to the streets, could bring severe spiritual consequences, if in doing this one brings harm, hurt and humiliation to the other. Such could prepare the situation for the reaping of same kind of spiritual seeds, now multiplied, even in another earth life.

Married couples will do well for their union if they approach issues and each other with a lot of compassion, patience, understanding and respect.

IkeChukwu Unegbe